Ku tutup mataku
Dari semua pandanganku
Bila melihat matamu
Kuyakin ada cinta ketulusan hati
Yang mengalir lembut

Penguasa Alam
Tolonglah pegangi aku
Biar ku tak jatuh
Pada sumur dosa yang terkutuk
Dan menyesatkan cintaku
Andaikan ku bisa
Lebih adil pada cinta kau dan dia

Aku bukan Nabi yang bisa sempurna
Ku tak luput dari dosa
Biarlah ku hidup seperti ini
Takdir cinta harus begini
Ada kau dan dia bukan ku yang mau
Oh Tuhan tuntunlah hatiku

here i am. outside. in the middle of the night. feeling all sick and messed up. thoughts running all over my head. what and why. i don't understand and never will. what to do. what happened. why it happened. why me. what is it with me that anyone that sees my face will get angry or something bad will happen. doesn't anyone appreciate what i do. doesn't anyone understand why i can't do this and that. why is it that my efforts to make something good goes to waste. or anyone will only remember it for 5 seconds. or wont remember it at all. whats so different between me and them. i dont understand. i prayed. i've put all my effort. i've been patient. only that nowadays i've been more unrealistic and temperamental. why. i ask god why!? why!? WHY!?

why me and not anyone else. what's my purpose here if everything i do is wrong and nothing can make a tick out of it. why was i ever been born in the first place. born with no purpose but to be hated. give me one good reason why. be a slave to everyone? feed everyone's needs? i rather die! i rather be away from them if it keeps me from making them unhappy. take my life and i'll shut the fuck up! i prayed to you and you dont even answered me once! what's the fucking point! is there even a point! i'm not insulting but im questioning you! ever since that day my tears never stopped rolling! it keeps roling till now! till when? till i die!? then go ahead do it!

i loved everyone. especially the gf. you know how much i really loved her. you know what i'll do just to make her happy. but what are you trying to prove god. i'm not the person she really dreamt of having. im not rich. i've a lowly life. i'm boring. i;m not like any other guy! or any other guy she talks to! i'm the worst. the worst fucker to be around her. the biggest jerk ever. the family got a replacement eldest child. maybe she should have a replacement too. i'm never a good use allah. never was. but i want you to know. my feelings are true. for her. for everyone. i don't care what people say. i don't care what people think.

so please. help me. for the last time i'm asking. please help me god. i'm hopeless.you see me crying here. you see your own man crying. you know what's in him. i'm not as strong as you think i would be.

i'm not. :'(

no one better to cheer me up after a long week than the gf.
went out with her.
spent some quality time together.
watched the coffin.
and im already sick before we went out.
but i just had to get out.
i wont be able to see her for 2 weeks by the time i book in.
sayang punyer pasal kan.

once all that's over.
i went back home.
and fuck the fever just got worst.
and so what if i got fever.
im still fucked by everyone even if im sick.
even when i cant help it.
especially when i cant do things.
im tired, im fucking tired.
im unwell. how the fuck can i control myself from not vomiting?
is it wrong to vomit?
because i vomited i got fucked.

whatever lah.
i've no feelings what.
you guys pretend that i can meet all your expectations.
well guess what. i cant.
no matter how hard i try.
i can't do everything right ok.
im human. im just a fucking human being.
ive feelings. i get sick.
the more i give in. the more time i got stepped on.
i rather die than be sick.
that'll surely make everyone happy.
goodbye. confinement week. im sure you guys will enjoy.
:'(

i never had a good book out before.
and im damn serious.
its been 7 weeks.
6 book outs.
and all of them,
i will end up pissed off.
or miserable.

fuck the family.
tonight they're supposed to fetch me at 10.30.
ok good they're early.
in my mind is set.
go home straight, wash up and call the gf.
but no. they had to go eat.
when they had ample of time to have dinner before they fetch me.
how mny fucking times must i tell you when i book out at night,
i would have already eaten!
assholes. how long do you guys need to eat?!
3 fucking hours!?
and you have the cheek to even eat slowly!
whats your point? im fucking stone.
and you guys made me even more pissed off with your actions.
small matters made into big matters.
when you guys should have been the mature one.
the ones who can keep their cool. but no.
u guys became fools tothis fucking thing called temper.
something i can control and you dont!

or is it something about me?
even the gf is telling me that.
pfft. maybe it is me.
i know where i fucking stand.
i give in and never i asked for anything.
and i got stepped on.
i put more priority on my loved ones.
and as th saying goes.
harapkan pagar, pagar makan padi.
fucking cibai!

im not a happy happy man today.
im miserable. tired. and..
oh fuck off la bitches!

Designer : Me-
Basecodes : %PURPUR.black- + %BLUE.pink-
Background : Freeglitters
Cursor : Smileycentral
Leave the credits thx!